Hey, I want to say thank you for taking time to ask your question here at parent Guidance. The question that you asked is a difficult one. And so I've chosen to spend some time answering it. The question is my 18 year old son truly hates me. I try so hard to love him. But nothing I do is right and he tells me to f off etcetera on a daily basis. I have a younger child and it breaks my heart that he has to witness such hatred and lack of respect. I'm worried that he will one day be the same as that.
Is what he sees I'm finding it very hard to live with my 18 year old son, but he has nowhere else to go. He struggles to go to work and expects my husband and I to hand everything to him on a platter every conversation ends in aggressive words, and I'm so over it. This has been going on for years and I really don't know how much longer I can do this every day is exhausting and distressing. I feel it could be some Mental Illness, but I have made multiple appointments, which he will not come to
I said hello to him and he tells me to f off and an hour later. He asked me a question like nothing happened. I honestly don't know what to do. It's a terrible situation. You know, it it absolutely is a terrible situation what you're describing is a form of verbal abuse. Now, we typically don't think of children abusing adults, but but clearly in a situation like that your 18 year old son is old enough to understand and be
 Possible, but I wonder about your son's as you say the mental illness. I wonder about what is driving that you say it's been going on for years that type of aggression. I wonder about his other relationships. Is he treat other people in your family this way it does he treat your husband this way. The reason why these things matter is that there's probably a story here of started somewhere and so when we
 Look at situations like yours, there's always a story and there's patterns that we develop and these patterns are seem to be going on repetitively in your interaction with your son if change is going to occur. We need to change the pattern and in order for you to do that you and your husband really need to sit down and identify boundaries that you're going to have with your son. It's not okay to treat other human beings this way it moving forward in adult relationships those types of words that type of interaction.
 Action will not last in any relationship is relationships will falter or fail because of those patterns. So the this is going to be hard to hear but you and your husband need to create boundaries now, so he realizes that those behaviors are not. Okay. Now, I know that may not sound easy, but it's essential because if there are no boundaries then he will wreck. He will think that that's okay to say those things. So there are needs to be consequences and
 No, he's been doing this for years. But those consequences are going to be essential if he learns how to be relational ultimately as parents. We want our children to be relational. We want them to learn how to attach how to get close to people clearly. There is something wrong. He's angry was he angry at? What's that story now? I know you've set up appointments, but there are certain boundaries that you and your husband need to create. He does need to go to counseling he needs to vent his frustrations. Whatever. Those are. I wouldn't
 Be afraid of those concerns. I'd be more of like, how did we get here? What has actually happened that has created this type of interaction pattern. Those were the things that concern me the most because your son thinks that's normal and I would want to get him out of the idea that his behaviors are normal and acceptable in human relationships in particular and family relationships as you say you're worn out and this is my final thought on this.
Only by doing the hard thing now, will you guys create change? So you're going to you and your husband need to identify some boundaries? What are those boundaries going to be?
And you need to be on the same page, even if it means that your child is no longer living with you. I know he has nowhere to go right now.
But what he's doing is not okay, and so you have a decision to make do can he go live with a friend or somewhere else for a period of time and realized the value of his parents home it can he's is there any softness and and there's a lot more that I would say to this but can he have a soft heart? Does he come close? Those are the times where you may want to have the most interaction with him is when he soft and say what?
This go when you get angry, and you call me or tell me to f off son. I love you. I care about you. I want a better relationship. Anyway, those are my thoughts. Take care and thank you for your great question.

Hey, I want to say thank you for taking time to ask your question here at parent Guidance. The question that you asked is a difficult one. And so I've chosen to spend some time answering it. The question is my 18 year old son truly hates me. I try so hard to love him. But nothing I do is right and he tells me to f off etcetera on a daily basis. I have a younger child and it breaks my heart that he has to witness such hatred and lack of respect. I'm worried that he will one day be the same as that.

Is what he sees I'm finding it very hard to live with my 18 year old son, but he has nowhere else to go. He struggles to go to work and expects my husband and I to hand everything to him on a platter every conversation ends in aggressive words, and I'm so over it. This has been going on for years and I really don't know how much longer I can do this every day is exhausting and distressing. I feel it could be some Mental Illness, but I have made multiple appointments, which he will not come to

I said hello to him and he tells me to f off and an hour later. He asked me a question like nothing happened. I honestly don't know what to do. It's a terrible situation. You know, it it absolutely is a terrible situation what you're describing is a form of verbal abuse. Now, we typically don't think of children abusing adults, but but clearly in a situation like that your 18 year old son is old enough to understand and be

 Possible, but I wonder about your son's as you say the mental illness. I wonder about what is driving that you say it's been going on for years that type of aggression. I wonder about his other relationships. Is he treat other people in your family this way it does he treat your husband this way. The reason why these things matter is that there's probably a story here of started somewhere and so when we

 Look at situations like yours, there's always a story and there's patterns that we develop and these patterns are seem to be going on repetitively in your interaction with your son if change is going to occur. We need to change the pattern and in order for you to do that you and your husband really need to sit down and identify boundaries that you're going to have with your son. It's not okay to treat other human beings this way it moving forward in adult relationships those types of words that type of interaction.

 Action will not last in any relationship is relationships will falter or fail because of those patterns. So the this is going to be hard to hear but you and your husband need to create boundaries now, so he realizes that those behaviors are not. Okay. Now, I know that may not sound easy, but it's essential because if there are no boundaries then he will wreck. He will think that that's okay to say those things. So there are needs to be consequences and

 No, he's been doing this for years. But those consequences are going to be essential if he learns how to be relational ultimately as parents. We want our children to be relational. We want them to learn how to attach how to get close to people clearly. There is something wrong. He's angry was he angry at? What's that story now? I know you've set up appointments, but there are certain boundaries that you and your husband need to create. He does need to go to counseling he needs to vent his frustrations. Whatever. Those are. I wouldn't

 Be afraid of those concerns. I'd be more of like, how did we get here? What has actually happened that has created this type of interaction pattern. Those were the things that concern me the most because your son thinks that's normal and I would want to get him out of the idea that his behaviors are normal and acceptable in human relationships in particular and family relationships as you say you're worn out and this is my final thought on this.

Only by doing the hard thing now, will you guys create change? So you're going to you and your husband need to identify some boundaries? What are those boundaries going to be?

And you need to be on the same page, even if it means that your child is no longer living with you. I know he has nowhere to go right now.

But what he's doing is not okay, and so you have a decision to make do can he go live with a friend or somewhere else for a period of time and realized the value of his parents home it can he's is there any softness and and there's a lot more that I would say to this but can he have a soft heart? Does he come close? Those are the times where you may want to have the most interaction with him is when he soft and say what?

This go when you get angry, and you call me or tell me to f off son. I love you. I care about you. I want a better relationship. Anyway, those are my thoughts. Take care and thank you for your great question.

My 18 year old son...

Okay. Thank you for your time.
 State your name your clinic and your therapist credentials before you answer. The question question goes like this my 18 year old son truly hates me. I try so hard to love him. But nothing I Do Is Right any tells me to f off Etc on a daily basis? I have a younger child and it breaks my heart that he has to witness such hatred in a lack of respect. I'm worried that he will one day be the same as what he sees. I'm finding it very hard to live with my 18 year old son, but he has nowhere else to go. He struggles to go to
 Candlesticks my husband and I to hand everything to him on a platter every conversation ends an aggressive words, and I'm so over it. This has been going on for years and I really don't know how much longer I can do this every day is exhausting and distressing. I feel it could be some Mental Illness, but I have made multiple appointments which he will not come to say hello to him and he told me to f off and an hour later. He asked me a question like nothing happened. I honestly don't know what to do. See terrible situation. Okay. Thank you in advance for your answer.

 State your name your clinic and your therapist credentials before you answer. The question question goes like this my 18 year old son truly hates me. I try so hard to love him. But nothing I Do Is Right any tells me to f off Etc on a daily basis? I have a younger child and it breaks my heart that he has to witness such hatred in a lack of respect. I'm worried that he will one day be the same as what he sees. I'm finding it very hard to live with my 18 year old son, but he has nowhere else to go. He struggles to go to

 Candlesticks my husband and I to hand everything to him on a platter every conversation ends an aggressive words, and I'm so over it. This has been going on for years and I really don't know how much longer I can do this every day is exhausting and distressing. I feel it could be some Mental Illness, but I have made multiple appointments which he will not come to say hello to him and he told me to f off and an hour later. He asked me a question like nothing happened. I honestly don't know what to do. See terrible situation. Okay. Thank you in advance for your answer.

Dr. Skinner